As a young child I was very intuitive, and I also had high self-esteem. The reason I know this is because in third grade I had to wear a headgear to school. Yes, that is correct: a headgear. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s like a dog muzzle for humans with a metal bar that comes out of the mouth. It kind of resembles the mouth guard that Hannibal Lecter wore in Silence of the Lambs, in which some kids at school could have been scared of me, or I could have been the butt of all jokes. Rather than the kids being scared of me, I quickly became the butt of all jokes. Kids would call me metal mouth, brace face, train tracks, etc.
Some kids would go as far as to get a paperclip and make their own ghetto homemade headgear. I turned all of this into a positive, and I was proud to wear my headgear at school because at least kids were talking about me and trying to copy my unique style. I was a trend setter to say the least. None of it bothered me until one day this kid named Ruben was being relentless about teasing me. At recess he followed me around the playground calling me name after name. I was finally fed up. When the bell rang, and we lined up to go back to class, there was something deep inside of me (my intuition) that told me to hit him.
It was like a voice said to me, “Hit him Annette! ”
So I turned around, looked Ruben in the eye and punched him so hard in the stomach that I knocked the wind out of him, and he began to cry like a baby. From that point on no kid made fun of me again, including Ruben. Now I do not condone physical violence and I knew it was wrong to hit Ruben, but I trusted my intuition to help me do the right thing. Although I felt horrible about making him cry, I did not feel that bad about punching him. I had enough self-esteem at that age to not internalize the names he was calling me. I also knew it was wrong for him to tease me. Words are very powerful, and Ruben’s words were a form of bullying meant to demean and hurt me. I hope I taught Ruben a lesson, and I hope I prevented him from bullying other children. Years later, Ruben had a crush on me and asked me out, but I trusted my intuition and did not go out with him.
Fast forward 32 years later and nothing has changed with boys. There are still Rubens out there; however, their ways of demeaning others is much more evolved. Remember the guy I mentioned in the last blog: you know, the guy I fell in love with? Well, I would like to share a story about him and tie it into trusting your intuition.
The guy I am referring to is named Stanford (Stan). Stan is an ex pro athlete turned motivational coach. He has a huge social media following in which he inspires others by talking about living life with positivity, integrity, and compassion. People are drawn to him because he is good looking, charismatic, and appears to be nice. However, deep down he is similar to Ruben.
We started seeing each other in January, and I was quickly drawn to him because he gave me a lot positive attention. He used to call me endearing pet names like sweets, babe, honey, etc. Every day he would shower me with many compliments and inspired me to be the best me I could be. He really had a way of making me feel “special,” like I was the only woman in his life. But something in my gut told me he was too good to be true, and my gut was right. I quickly found out he was giving this kind of attention to multiple women. He explained to me that he could not be in a monogamous relationship, and he wanted to have an “open” relationship. Going against my intuition, I was willing to try it. Over time I listened to my intuition and realized a relationship with him was not healthy for me. Our romantic relationship turned into a friendship and we became best friends.
Stan shared everything with me and I rapidly discovered his pattern with women. Once again my intuition told me it was wrong to remain friends with him, but as a therapist I was intrigued by his ways of juggling multiple women at a time and having very little consideration for their feelings. Stan would court three to four women at a time. As he did with me, he would draw them in by calling them sweet pet names, giving them lots of attention, showering them with compliments, having sex with them, and making them feel as though they were the only one.
Many of the women were intuitive, and when they approached Stan about having sex with other women, Stan would quickly become defensive. He would turn against the woman by calling her dramatic, confrontational, and crazy. This coming from a motivational speaker who preaches about positivity, integrity, and compassion. Kind of ironic don’t you think? Instead of the women walking away, they would apologize for being dramatic, confrontational, and crazy. Many of the women would go as far as to beg, cry, and send naked pictures pleading for Stan’s forgiveness. I know this because Stan shared with me the texts, emails, and pictures from these women.
Stan would take them back, and this cycle would happen two or three times before he would become bored with the “drama” and find new love interest. He would finally end the relationship by placing the blame on the woman.
He would say, “I’ve noticed this pattern with you. You are too dramatic and unhealthy for me and I need you out of my life.”
It was so sad to watch. No man is worth Stan’s “drama,” and it was heartbreaking to see these women think so poorly of themselves to continue to go back to him. Their intuition was right and rather than walking away, they listened to Stan’s demeaning and attacking words. These women internalized Stan’s words and believed him by thinking there was something wrong with them. I remember one woman writing, “I am just not good enough for you.” If this woman had high self-esteem and trusted her intuition she would have said, “I am TOO GOOD for you,” and would have been strong enough to walk away. As I said earlier, words are powerful and Stan’s words to these women were demeaning and hurtful, much like Ruben’s words were to me.
During our 9-month friendship Stan engaged in this pattern with to at least 30 different women, and I’m sure there were many I didn’t know about. When it was my turn (yes, he did it to friends as well) he used the grief over the loss of my mother against me. He called me emotionally unstable, dramatic, a victim, and said that I had “daddy issues.”
Stan is a motivational speaker, and he knows how to use words in a positive way to motivate and inspire others. He also knows how to use words in a negative and hurtful way. Based on my childhood experiences, I have developed a strong sense of who I am, and I would never allow anyone to call me a name whether it is “metal mouth” to “emotionally unstable” and “dramatic”. I also listened to my intuition and walked away from Stan.
Since I have walked away, and put my energy towards other things, I have attracted many amazing things into my life. I started working again by helping many children with autism reach their goals, and in return they are helping me heal from my mother’s death. I reached out to many of my close friends, and in return they have been extremely supportive, encouraging, and loving through this difficult time in my life. I was also presented with an opportunity to travel to Europe and work with a spiritual healer. I started dating ,and through the process I have found someone I enjoy spending my time with (Hottie D, who will be mentioned in future blogs). Last but not least, I began to blog about my life in hopes of inspiring others, especially women, who face adversity.
All of this happened within a matter of six weeks. How, you ask? Because I listened to my intuition, walked away from Stan, and the energy I was putting into his friendship I started to put into myself.
Instead of focusing on Stan’s words, I trusted my intuition and allowed my inner fierceness to shine through. Not bad for an emotionally, unstable, dramatic woman with daddy issues, right? 😉 So this got me thinking. Stan is one person, and in a matter of 9 months he distracted at least 30 women from discovering their inner fierceness.
Now imagine if these women had high enough self-esteem to disregard Stan’s words and listen to their intuition and walk away. Instead of focusing their energy on getting Stan back, what if they focused their energy onto themselves? What if they focused their energy into attracting people who were positive and respected them? What if they spent their energy starting a business they loved, or focused their energy into helping others? We would be surrounded by confident and fierce women who would be making their mark in the world. Imagine all the incredible things that could come of it!
I share this blog with you because I see so many women go against their intuition and continue with relationships, marriages, friendships, etc. with people who are negative and verbally abusive. If you find yourself in a situation where something or someone is making you feel bad about yourself, change it!
Listen to your inner voice because that is your intuition talking. Your intuition will never steer you wrong. In fact, it will lead you to greatness and help you attract the people and things you are supposed to attract in your life. If it isn’t that easy to walk away from your situation, then work on your self-esteem.
Never allow anyone’s words to define who you are. You have the power to change somebody’s negative and hurtful words into something positive. For example, I am happy that I have daddy issues, because those issues have shaped my life into becoming a wonderful human being. Instead of focusing your energy on the negativity of others, focus your energy onto yourself and attracting positivity into your life. Eventually, your intuition will guide you to people and/or a situation that will give you the strength to walk away. Through that strength, your inner fierceness will shine, and you will attract and do remarkable things in your life. Trust me because I have lived it!
The takeaway from this blog is this … “Trust your intuition, as it will lead you to your inner fierceness.”
Until next time!